Some more things I know:

1. Airing out your apartment in fall is worth sitting indoors in your coat and shoes. 

2. If you wait for perfect conditions you'll never get anything done. One day I may even follow that advice myself.

3. I spend more time adjusting and fussing with the layout and colour of this blog then I spend blogging. Today we shall try wood paneling to go with the industrial brick print.

4. I may be a little anal about the layout.

5. I get easily distracted: I came in from the library, and decided that since I had my shoes on I'd take out the garbage, on my way to take out the garbage I stopped to open a few windows to let fresh air in, then I sat at my computer to start loading an episode of british hoarders so it would be finished when I came back in, then I started looking on Apartment Therapy, which lead to Bloglovin, which lead to me feeling pathetic about how little I blogged. So, it's been an hour since I got in, the garbage is half emptied in the hall waiting for me to take it out, my house is really cold from all the open windows, and my video isn't loaded... But at least I got a bit of blog writing done.

6. See number 2.

Some things I know

Sunday is a CBC Radio kind of day.

I don't enjoy malls any more, I must be growing up, or getting better at not buying stuff I don't need, or smarter, or all three.

Crayons are still awesome to write with, even though the ends get duller and duller the more you use them and ergo your letters get fatter and fatter.

I don't call my mother enough.

Writing down my do to list is just as satisfying as actually doing the things on my to do list.

My apartment isn't big enough for all the rugs I want to make/buy.

Party on Garth.

Oh heyyyy long forgotten blog.

It's been ages. 

I'm only having a mild identity crisis, but more on that later.

Work has been steadily busy, I was the 2nd in the craft department on a Christmas movie, just did some chopping and dish washing for the catering of a pilot shoot, farted about with some other work with some TV and a touch of modelling. Relationship is good (as far as I know, eek!), family is healthy, wallet is steadily getting bigger, but I dunno. Something is off.

I've narrowed the iffy feeling down to several possibilities:

• I'm lacking job satisfaction. I like doing craft services and all, but I think it's time to try and push my self into other departments, try and do more TV, work on my model portfolio... You know, challenge myself. Things have been challenging, don't get me wrong, craft is a tough job if you do it right and people don't give it enough respect, but I think I want to attempt to create a more secure job net buy expanding my skills and tech knowledge. 
• I'm seriously lacking a creative outlet. There's only so many times I can kid myself that tidying my apartment and rearranging furniture is a creative endeavour. I have an idea for an art project that isn't a practical home DIY, we'll see how that goes.
• I'm overwhelmed by too much stuff. I am not a hoarder or anything, you can see nothing but tons of floorspace and neatly displayed neat things (No dusty china dolls here!) in my apartment,  but if you were to open a closet, yeah... whole other story. I'm attacking boxes of forgotten crap in little bouts to fight my clutter unhappiness, hopefully it will be a huge weight off my shoulders when I get it to a manageable place. 
• I'm not meant to live with a roommate. My roommate is lovely and sweet, she doesn't steal my stuff, do drugs in the living room or bring boys home every night, so it's nothing against her. I think I'm at a place where I am really ready to live on my own, to take up all the space in my apartment, decorate ALL the walls, own all the food in the fridge. I'm so ready. My roommate moves out end of November. I'll miss her. but I'm ready.
• I need to read more. I'm taking suggestions for good books. Hit me up.

I'm optimistic that tackling some of these things will help me be more satisfied about me. More comfortable, more relaxed, less high strung. 

We'll see how it goes,

Wet Beach Days

Yesterday was probably the rainiest day we'd had in a long time, and not just rainy, windy. Hurricane windy. Miserable sheets of heavy cold rain and face pelting windy. 
So naturally it was the perfect weather to go to the beach.
I stole away the boyfriend and dragged him (willingly) to Rainbow Haven for a no fuss in-car breakfast picnic of bacon sandwiches, hard boiled eggs and coffee. We were the only people on the beach save for two kite surfers tearing up and down the beach. 
When you deliberately go outside to get soaked in rain, it's always a good time. The wind and sleet instantly turned our coats into sails and we were aggressively coaxed across big slippery rocks and through sea grass, stopping only occasionally to marvel at the suicidal kite surfers.

Some peoples children eh?

 Instagramed photo of dry spots under rocks due to wind off the ocean.

Follow my Instagram feed for more photos: fionaestella

My cone headed boyfriend being turned into a human sail.

Also from my Instagram feed fionaestella

Yesterday just goes to prove that some of the best adventures are spontaneous, low maintenance and totally inexpensive. Big smiles and silliness will always find you if you just open yourself to them.

I'm all hair and glasses.

I remember being very young when I saw my first pin up girl image. I can't recall exactly what it was, or who it was, but I do remember being completely transfixed by the cheeky sexiness and playfulness of this once risqué art form. At the time I was starting to become aware of how over sexualized the world was around me, with stereotypes of beauty I could tell already I didn't fit, and the picture just captivated me. It was so different than any of the other images of woman I saw plastered all over magazines in checkout lines as my mother dragged me through them, with me feverishly flipped through all the glossy pages I could reach.
I was probably only 9 or 10, but with the joys of early onset puberty I could already tell I was never going to be tanned (Not without the risk of melanoma, thanks genetics), blonde (Not without copious amounts of dye and fry) or tall (5'5" is so tragically average). I could also tell early on that I was never going to have those unattainable skinny legs that slid effortlessly into knee high boots, even the rubber kind. I knew right away I had a better chance of looking like one of these retro stunners than Kate Moss when I came out on the other end of puberty.
Of course it goes without saying that puberty was a miserable experience. I'd say we can chart my self 
esteem and happiness with the way I looked by the following photos.

This photo was taken the year before I got glasses. I'm seven. It was probably also the last time I was happy, or at least not unhappy, or even aware, of how I looked before 'The Change'.

Thankfully Facebook didn't exist for most of my grotesque mutation into an adult, but you can imagine it: Tons of red crazy hair, face full of freckles, a wire across my bottom teeth, terrible baggy clothes and the same bronze wire framed glasses for 5 years. It got to the point where I got hit in the face with enough projectiles in gym that it was a wonder they still stayed on my face. This is the best worst picture I could find:

Here's a little number I like to call Helicopter Hair.

Thankfully around seventeen I opted for contacts instead of glasses, finally stopped mutating and became happy with how I looked, if only for a brief period until college where I forgot how to dress like a girl and gained 20 pounds of macaroni and cheese weight. Unfortunately Facebook did exist then, so yeah... Lots of unflattering photos.

*Sigh* College was two years of baggy free T-shirts and sweaters. I don't even think I plucked my eyebrows in this photo.*Shame*

Anyway, to bring you up to speed: It took a long time, but I'm finally happy with the way I look again, and I'm flipping ecstatic about how awesome I feel inside and especially on the outside. A few weekends ago I collaborated on a retro pin up shoot with Truro Photographer Jeff Babineau which turned out to be the biggest boost in self esteem you could ever imagine. The final product was better than I could have hoped for and I'll be the first to admit I was shocked I could look like this:

Who knew eh? For the complete collection of photos and the photographers take on the whole experience wander over here

There's these long stretches while you're growing up that you doubt you'll ever look or feel normal, let alone beautiful. It felt so empowering to own my looks and to own my sexy self and to realize all that growing up crap finally amounted to something awesome.


I love that I got to live out a small silly little girl's fantasy that one day I wouldn't only look like a pin up model, but I'd get to be one too, even just for an afternoon. 


My awkward 12 year old self would've so been stoked.

Identity Crisis.

I really am terrible, TERRIBLE at remembering to keep this updated!! Agh!


Look, life happens. Bought a car, started a new relationship, you know how it is. 


On an exciting note: I was saying the other day, after yet another viewing of 'Across the Universe' that it was a real shame that I didn't own any Beatles music. Well, low and behold I  discovered today that I not only have Beatles music, but I have every single album on one mp3 disc. So essentially I'm flailing and singing along to the White album...and making my best effort to type.  Mother Superior drop the gun.


Now on to business: This blog is having a serious identity crisis. I understand the key to a successful blog is to have consistent content, a theme, a plan... You know, all the things this blog doesn't have right now.


So in other words this blog is a very confused teenager searching for an identity. But just as I grew out of the mediaevalist, nerdy, lazy goth and 'Safety Pin Girl' phases of my questionable high school career, this too will pass. 


In the mean time, let's pretend this is a style blog and gush over how grown up my living room looks after I replaced this impractical dumpster dived coffee table: 

With this gorgeous second hand Ikea find I bought off a moving friend:

I will be eating nothing but pasta and frozen peas for the rest of the week but it was so worth it. I've finally gotten my living room to look like the space I can be happy with for a while, all for less than $250. And as an added bonus, when I swapped the gear out between the stands I discovered a stack of CDs I'd forgotten about (including the Beatles collection) and managed to streamline all the wires, eliminating two. Let's hear if for simplified, and lets also hear it for sitting back and admiring ones tidy living room. Huzzah.

I'm too busy enjoying life to remember to blog...

My mother told me I should make an effort to blog at least once a week. I was never really good at doing anything my mother said, so I guess this is no exception. So, um, here's a feeble attempt at keeping this blog up to date.

Halifax. You're beautiful. Why did I ever want to leave you?


It's an early Wednesday morning, foggy and cool. There isn't even the slightest breeze. It would seem the city is still waking up, and the moodiness of the fog would suggest it's very groggy. Perhaps even sulky.


On my slow leisurely walk home I passed all my neighbours walking in the opposite direction, mostly children with backpacks and mothers with strollers, and the occasional sullen teenager. My neighbourhood may not be nicest part of the city. It's a long street lined with identical brick apartments, all three levels, all characterless, all sturdy and uncompromising. Former military housing, built decades ago. Kids play in the streets here. Running from building to building, drawing with chalk and poking things that hide in Maynard Lake with sticks. It's the sight of these roving packs of kids that makes me love this street.


My last apartment I lived in was a high-rise, all single bedrooms, filled almost exclusively by bachelors and seniors. This place is young, lively, sometimes messy and only occasionally exciting. Watching my neighbour get taken away by the cops one day and by ambulance another may not be ideal... But at least I know my neighbours here.


We're in that part of Spring where it's going to be grey and rainy for what feels like an eternity. Begrudgingly tolerating the weather because we know summer is coming.


It's going to be a good summer. I can smell it.


Glorious Halifax with your sea air, your hipsters, your coffee and smiles. Why did I ever want to leave you?

Church of St David's, Pizza Corner, in fog.